white. . . . no actually, it isn’t always right

Did you know that 3 Australian women are diagnosed with ovarian cancer every day?  In an attempt to turn this terrible statistic around, Saturday was ‘White Shirt Day’ – to support the  OCRF.   How could I say no to such a wonderful cause?!

I went all-out I have to say . . . . I was off to a great start without even trying in fact – My current moon tan has left me resembling casper the ghost when naked and I always use a whitening toothpaste.   It’s even rumoured I’ve used eye drops to return my tired eyes to twinkly whiteness post reporting week.  So I dug out my white king laundry bleach, and ‘whitened’ my favourite whites; knickers, shirt, singlet  . . . .

Now for those who don’t know, the Qld Reds played (by played I mean asswhopped) some losing team on Saturday night and to be honest, by the time kick off rolled around I was feeling positively kelvinator.  So white I would have glowed under UV lights. . . . Sadly though, not everyone shares my zeal for ayran fashion.

Let me highlight some issues of concern:

nightmare on shirt street

#1.  Let me try and describe/explain this shirt. . . . It was pink underneath and white on the top (she got that bit right)  . . . . and it had ‘interesting’ tears, in the top layer.  Potential explanations:  A) She had been ravaged by her Fabio like boyfriend immediately prior to leaving the house (unsure why he doesn’t trim his nails, but thats a whole other blog).  B) Her home is is currently overridden by silverfish who have grown rodent size having feasted on the polyester  smorgasbord that is her wardrobe.   C) She was an extra in a Nightmare on Elm Street film.  D) She has had her mirror confiscated and didn’t realise how awful this top looked off the hanger. . . .  You know what, I cant explain it . . . The truth, plain and simple.  It was ugly.  White yes,  but ugly.

cardi crimes

#2.  Cardigans, to say I love them is an understatement. .  .   I’m too scared to count how many I own.  Oodles, in every colour of the rainbow.  Lets be specific here though – by cardigans I don’t mean zip up sports wear.  I’m referring to the knitted, button up ones.  The angora, and lambswool, and mohair ones.  Ones with pearls, and ribbons and bows, ones like today’s purchase with contrast colour velvet covered buttons.  *insert breathy sigh*  . . Sorry I got sidetracked. . . . Cardis are a universal symbol of all that is good, and wholesome and classy in the world (or so I thought).   Men in cardigans  well. . . . .It can be done safely if you fulfil at least two of the following criteria:  If you’re a physics professor, a school boy, a grandad,  an investment banker (with nothing much to fill your day other than Esquire magazine) and  really, really, really cold.   I saw this young chap at the markets.  He was definitely donning  a mardi (man-cardi).  Knitted, v-neck , button up, white (again correct colour choice) with a contrast colour trim.  Here’s the problem – there was no snow (ergo it was not really, really, really cold). Judging by the lack of body odour the wearer was post pubescent pre dementia  – thus eliminating the school boy and grandad options in one hit.  Physics professor?  Well, no pocket protector.  Investment banker?  I watched him count change for his carrots on his fingers.  Outcome.  He looked like tool.   The united nations have rules about this.  Most first world countries have banned mardis. . . . equality of the sexes does not equal mardigans.

these boots are made for. . . what was it again?

# 3. My grandmother (wise woman) lived by the “no white shoes after labor day” rule.  It’s real – google it if you don’t believe me – wikipedia tells me that “it’s been a rule of fashion etiquette since the early 20th century”.  Honestly though.  I’ve broken it.  I survived.  White loafers though?  Please, no more, my eyes hurt.  I’m reliably informed that men purchase everything based on practicality – so –  aside from the fact that they’re ugly, white shoes on men are  impractical.  A) they show beer stains – can’t wear them at the pub.  B) Flies and other buzzy things are attracted to white – can’t wear them on the farm.  C) no steel cap – can’t wear them on site.  D) not waterproof – can’t wear them swimming.  E) Slippery sole – can’t wear them running.  F) people mock you because they’re ugly – CAN’T WEAR THEM!  Need I go on?! Save your $ lads, go barefoot for a year or two and invest in some RM’s.  You can even talk to girls if have RM’s on and they might talk back!

In summary and for fashion purposes  . . . . . White is (usually) right.  It’s good for decorating, it makes sick people well again (ummmm hospitals are all white!), white gold, white diamonds, white roses: tick, tick, tick.  White ribbons/shirts to help OCRF big tick.  Help them.  Sell your white loafers, and freddy kruger shirts and mardis on ebay and donate the profits.

Choose wisely, elegance is refusal.

Kisses cx

sports attire (for spectators)

Soooooo. . . . . . last night was a big night for rugby union fans in Brisbane.  We witnessed the royal pummelling of our cross Tasman cousins the Chiefs – stellar job Reds 42-27!  Sadly, good taste also took a pummelling starting with poor Sonny Bill and his seriously questionable hairdo – does Stefan do hirsute interventions per chance?!  *sigh*  That’s not the worst of it though,  steel yourselves people it’s about to get crazy in here.

As a teenager I spent my weekends sitting on the hill at my local GPS boys school watching rugby, dressed in the standard uniform for female spectators – jeans, boots, a shirt with the collar popped and my fob chain clearly visible.  Now I don’t still wear this, in fact I think the rugby fashion rules have relaxed sufficiently that pretty much anything goes these days.

I guess ‘anything’ is a broad category, so let’s narrow it down for novices.  The jeans, boots, sweater/cardi/collared shirt combo is pretty safe.   I’m no fashion Nazi though,  you can get away with a t-shirt, a skirt, cargo shorts.  In fact  my own child wore sneakers and jeans (insert raised eyebrow) . . . .she is only 7 though!  I even saw a lass in a pretty turquoise lace frock *thinking time* . . . Yup I’ll let it slide.  In fact I’m even ok with supportive team attire!  Reds scarves are the bomb (That’s for you Natho)

“So CR,” I hear you ask “What’s NOT acceptable spectator attire?”   Well, lets start with the disclaimer that although this entry is rated triple s (sports spectator specific)  Please don’t wear these blogging awful outfits anywhere . . .at all. . .ever.

# 1. Leather (shoes/jackets  excluded). . . . . leather dresses, leather skirts, leather tops, leather pants.  Leather looks AWESOME on cows.  Not on people. Cows don’t have cellulite you see, or muffin tops.  Also cows aren’t likely to wear skin a size too small!  Moooooving right along. . .

 

# 2. Rats Tails. . . . . again, save it for the animals.  They look fab on rats.  Oddly enough I loathed the rats tail in the 80’s too, (and I was sporting a flick fringe!)  It’s instinctive.  Ratty’s blow.  Not even a Pantene 3 minute miracle will gloss over that fashion faux pas.  It’s an easy problem to fix though, snip snip snip.

 

 

 

# 3. Wet suit (?) pants. . . . These confused me.  Under a dress – were they stockings?  No.  Thick and opaque – were they leggings? No.  High gloss. . . . Oh I see, you’ve come straight from scuba diving.  It makes sense to me now.  WTF?!  Seriously I expected a  regulator to fall out of her handbag.  Don’t scuba divers get eaten by sharks because they look like seals?  No fashion seal of approval on terra firma for these pants, unless you can balance a ball on your nose.

 

Choose wisely, elegance is refusal.

Kisses cx